Racket

My friend Joel threw out a topic for future discussions: racket. We were talking about a friend who constantly complains about not having any money. He's always in a financial bind. You ask him to go somewhere and his reply is "I don't have the money to do that." Joel commented that that was his racket, kind of a way of life he's talked himself into so that he doesn't have to do anything about his problem. I guess another way I'd say it is "the noise we create so that we don't have to face the truth."

I've got some racket of my own. I always say "I've made a lot of mistakes with my money" (and I'm still making them) or "My finances are crappy." Every time Joel calls I tell him this. He must be tired of my racket. I could stick to my budget and pay off my debt and move on with life. But I like the racket!

I'm too busy...more racket. I've been saying this since I began working with Gary way back in '96. Once again, I don't want to do anything about it. I like the racket!

One more: I want to go into full-time ministry. Can I have an Amen on this racket? If you know me, this noise has been around for most of my adult life and yet I haven't done a proactive thing about it.

I guess racket's good when you haven't got another song.

In most cases, I can be considered a good Christian without ever putting my confidence in Jesus Christ.

John 13

I liked Gary's post about John 13. What would it look like for me?

Why can't I be like everyone else and just sit in my seat without having to organize worship, lead worship, run the sound, teach two classes each week, preach, lead prayer, serve communion, lead VBS, and organize the children's classes? What am I trying to prove?

Honestly, that I'm useful, that I matter. It would be devastating for me to drift into the background and do nothing. I'd feel so useless. I've lost my heart in all this trying to prove my usefulness. Most of what I do I do for others not because I have the passionate desire to do them.

I think I'm also trying to prove that I care. I've heard so much harping on service and being active that I think I'd feel guilty if I wasn't. What if I just came and sat there? I'd feel like I was letting God down, like I was unfaithful, like I wasn't really being a true Christian.

Not to mention the pressure I felt recently. A group at church meets regularly to eat and organize service projects. They have invited us several times to be a part of it. I think it's a good thing, but I'm already involved in several things that the church does. So, we only visited once and don't plan to go back. It's funny, but I feel like the group is looking down on us for not attending. I bring this up to say that there's a lot of pressure from the congregation here to prove your usefulness by being involved in everything. That's a temptation for a guy like me.

Because of all this, I walk around in a haze most of the time, mindlessly moving from one task to the next. I've been trying to envision a different way. There are people who are visiting that my heart goes out to, people I want to help. But because I'm trying to prove so much, I don't have time to spend with them. I've actually been wanting to resign from all my responsibilities so that I can respond freely to people that I feel need help. I want to create margin so that I can respond when I see a need.

Thinking about that...I think that was part of the problem with the priest and Levite in the Good Samaritan. No time, no space, no margin to respond to need.