Tough Week

Last week was a tough week. We had a board of directors meeting Saturday. It turned out well, but I always dread those things. I've been in on some pretty tough ones. Since my basic responsibility is financial, I'm always in the middle of any difficult parts of the meeting because everyone wants to know about the money. I am thankful to God that it went smoothly.

Friday night, Jeff and I went to hear Joel perform at Strange Brew in Starkville. He did great! I wish I had taken pics to post on the blog. The latte was good and so was the Swiss Mushroom burger from Hardees. Yum-Yum! Joel inspires me, always has. Somehow I've got to find a way for my music. I miss it so much.

I preached today near my home. I'm ready to give up on preaching, at least in the way I've always known it. It seems like such a futile exercise, even as if I'm just doing because we have to have someone to preach. That seems to be the way the people hear it, too. We have to have a sermon so that we can feel good about being here. I roll in for one day, don't know anything about the people or their lives, and I preach some sermons I've done at 5 other places. The audience just sits there or falls asleep or looks at their watches. I don't feel that I can talk about what I really want to because it would take to long to set it up. I guess I feel a deep disconnect.

I don't enjoy traveling around to preach any more. I want to work with a group of people and present thoughts and messages and have dialogue with them as we journey together. I'm not a public speaker or after-dinner speaker, nor am I an entertainer. In my heart, I'm a shepherd.

One of the things I struggle with is the feedback from the audience. I don't understand why they don't get excited about the text and message I present. Sometimes I don't feel like they even understand Jesus like I do. I don't feel like they're in love with him like I am. That's frustrating. I want to give up because it seems vain.

Anyway, time for bed...